My niece’s husband Dan Masshardt inspired me to prepare this entry. He listed the above themes as separate topics and created them as timeless lists of talking points. It fits my style better to have a chronological arrangement and not to separate the two themes, since the reasons came to me in a clear order, but it has never been clear to me how to disentangle the two themes. I also couldnât separate my very personal reasons from general theological speaking.
The list is cumulative. For example, those earliest stirrings of sin, love, beauty, and answered prayers continue unabated to this day. Besides those reasons, the Bible spoke to me as a unique book and the logic of the Christian worldview grounded me by the time that I finished college.
1. Elementary school
a. Sin. I was all too painfully aware that I was a thief and nosy, although I had âgood reasonsââmy family was poor and I was insecure about who I was. But my conscience worked, so I knew that I was doing wrong things. I wanted to stop, but I didnât know how.
b. Love. Alice Huntington, my second and third grade teacher, and to a lesser extent Elizabeth Terry, my Sunday School teacher, showed me love which I did not get at home. They claimed that it came from God through Christ. I had no reason to disbelieve them.
c. Beauty. Alternate yellow and red tulips every Spring filled with beauty the hexagonal star in the center of the traffic circle in front of my apartment. The sleek lines of the 1956 red and white twotone Chevy Impala, were a graceful contrast with our black family clunker. A black and orange Monarch butterfly emerged from its jeweled green chrysalis. The Dona Diana Overture captivated me. (It was the theme song for the radio program Sergeant Preston of the Yukon. We get our beauty where we can.) These are just a few of the beautiful things that caught my attention as a young boy.
d. Answered prayer. Two of my big prayers were answered in elementary school. In 1954, I prayed to become a Christian, sensing a need to be forgiven and a need for love. I was flooded with a deep sense of a permanent relationship to God. Second, I prayed that my mother would be able to live away from the mental hospital where she was locked up for seven years. That happened in 1957. Two smaller prayers were answered as well, when I was near death breaking through the ice into a deep pond and when I was near death being rushed to the hospital with a burst appendix.
2. Junior high school
a. Sin. Add to the above sins indulging in sexual sin. My guilt increased by the fact that it more clearly involved others and by the fact that I sensed how much it displeased Jesus, Who was now without a doubt living in my heart.
b. Love. As I got to know my relatives, I saw a stark contrast between those on the one hand like my grandmother Emma Chase, and my aunts Flo Cavanaro, Florence Glidewell, and Ruth Finch âwho were Christiansâ, and those on the other hand like Marjory Bacorn, George Cavanaro, Carl Chase, and Dad who were not.
I grant you that there were exceptions. My neighbor Alice Jeneski did not seem to profess to be a Christian but she loved me; Uncle Art did profess to be a Christian but he had a bad temper anyway.
c. Beauty. I consumed every mathematics book that I could find, whether from libraries, from Christmas gifts that I asked for, or from my small allowance. Parabolas were beautiful; algebra was beautiful. I bought One, Two, Three, … Infinity by George Gamow, and read it at least five times.
d. Bible. For me in elementary school, the Bible was a book of heroismâof David, Gideon, Deborah, and Sampson. I did memorize Psalms 23 and 100 then. But thanks to Wednesday afternoon Bible memory work at church offered during ârelease timeâ from public school, I began to memorize a lot of verses of the Bible. I began to see the Bibleâs themes. The Bible was like âfire in my bonesâ (Jeremiah 20:9Jeremiah 20:9
English: World English Bible - WEB
9?If I say, I will not make mention of him, nor speak any more in his name, then there is in my heart as it were a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I am weary with forbearing, and I can?t contain.). It was âburning within meâ (Luke 24:32Luke 24:32
English: World English Bible - WEB
32?They said one to another, ?Weren?t our hearts burning within us, while he spoke to us along the way, and while he opened the Scriptures to us??). I felt the Bible âreadingâ me, more than my reading the Bible.
3. High school
a. Love. Rita Youngs, my high school youth group leader, showed me love, both directly to me, and to many foster kids she raised.
b. Beauty. High school teachers exposed me to the beauty of literature and of language. Although I messed around with a chemistry set since sixth grade, a high school science teacher showed me the beauty of Chemistry. Aunt Ruthâs gift of National Geographic Magazine showed me the beauty of far-off places. The book Godâs, Graves, and Scholars showed me the beauty of far-off times. The Rev. Bill Blackwoodâs Sunday School class on systematic theology that used George Pardingtonâs Outline Studies of Christian Doctrine showed me the logical beauty of the Christian faith.
c. Bible. Two summer camps continued my Bible memory, deepening my sense that this was no mere collection of human writings.
d. Prayer. It was in high school that I learned to âpray without ceasing.â Unanswered prayer didnât bother me very much, because I was grounded in prayer as a relationship instead of prayer as a slot machine. I did pray that Dad would become a Christian and that I would be able to stay sexually pure. Neither of those happened fast. The first answer waited for six decades; the second answer, for one decade.
4. College
a. Love. Pastor George & Gladys Decker treated me like their third son.
b. Logic. I read C. S. Lewisâs defense of Christianity in Mere Christianity, and a defense of Jesusâ resurrection by Frank Morrison in Who Moved the Stone? Since I wasnât argued into the Kingdom, itâs not likely that Iâll be argued out. I did not see apologetics as a weapon, but as a thing of beauty. The logic of my faith was like the logic of Mathematicsâa powerful, coherent story.
c. Answered prayer. I saw the lives of others changed as I prayed that they too would discover the joy of following Jesus: for example, Rick Lueth, Tommy Wandless, Anne Macomber and her brother David.
c. Beauty. Before college I was exposed to Protestant hymns on piano, polkas on accordion, and country music on guitar. For some reason, the classical music taught in my public school didnât âget to meâ; like poetry, it was dry as a mere object of study. But at MIT, Bach concerts on the Kresge Auditorium organ were intensely emotional experiences for me.
In college I discovered the beauty of worship itselfâthrough Lutheran vespers in the chapel on Wednesday nights, and through Anglo-Catholic services around Christmas and Easter at a nearby church.
You might see my appreciating Bach as merely becoming cultured, but both Bach and formal liturgy increased my faith by keeping it from becoming mere sterile logic. My faith continues to be emotional as well as logical. That is why I answer the title questions with my story rather than with propositions. The man with an experience is never at the mercy of a man with an argument, I reasoned.
5. After college
I now draw on revelation, on reason, on tradition, and on experience to ground my faith, aware that no one of them by itself is without its challenges. For me one test of a faith that conforms to reality is this: Is it simple enough that a child can have it, but profound enough to engage the wisest of adults? Jesus said both about faith in Him.
Where does a sense of sin, of love, and of beauty come from? I reasoned with the faith of a child that they came from the same place where answered prayers come from. Now as an adult I do not see how atheism adequately accounts for even one of those themes.
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